To be honest, I never thought
adoption was for me. Don’t get me
wrong. I always believed it was a
wonderful thing. I enjoyed helping other
families who were going through the process of adopting and I certainly loved
getting to know the children they adopted.
I just didn’t feel like it was a calling for me.
But, then there was my wife (the
beautiful Mrs. H) who felt adoption was always something she wanted to
do. It was on her heart at a very young
age.
I remember in our first year of
marriage, when she brought up adoption.
We knew we wanted biological children.
I wasn’t super receptive to the idea of adopting. I thought we could do our part by sponsoring a
child (I’m not knocking this idea – reputable child sponsorship programs/organizations
do a lot of good).
If I would have been
honest, all of the reasons why I wasn’t willing to adopt were based on fears
and selfishness (I’ll expand on this later).
We sort of left it at, if we do adopt, it would be after we were done
having biological children. Two years
later we had our first, G.
It’s not very often that you get to
experience a new feeling at the age of 24, but that’s exactly what happened
when I first laid eyes on G. I
absolutely loved being a dad. And I loved
watching Lib be a mom. It seemed so natural
for her.
And on top of motherhood being a
natural gift, she worked hard at it.
She was intentional about teaching
and making quality time happen (she still does). It was a blessing to watch and be a part
of. 13 months after G was born, we
decided to start trying for another child.
2 days later, we found out that Lib was pregnant. And 8 months later, we were holding a
beautiful little girl, Q.
As
much as having G changed my world, having a baby girl did the same all over
again. Fathers with little girls, you
know what I mean.
By the time G was 3 and a half
and Q was almost 2, we decided to begin trying for another child. As quickly as God blessed us with our first
two children, we did not expect any problems as we tried for a third. After 6 months of trying with no success, we
started to worry. After a year, we knew
there was something different.
After a year and a half, Lib was
emotional drained; 18 months of believing that this could be the month, only to
find out it wasn’t, had taken its toll.
Throughout this whole time, I tried to stay
positive. The days that followed each
negative pregnancy test were very tough.
It’s pretty evident that God wired men and women differently. Not one better than another, just
different. For example, part of the way
God has wired us as men includes what I call the “Fix-it Mentality”. Tell us a problem and we’ll try and fix
it. So many times I would get myself in
trouble. As Lib was crying I would
suggest solutions or try words of encouragement. It took me a long time to realize that this
wasn’t what she was looking for.
She just needed my comfort.
Why do I bring all of this up? Because I am beginning to see the richness of
God’s comfort.
Earlier I mentioned that my reasons
for not adopting were based on my own selfishness and fear. I knew that adoption was expensive. I knew that it would take a great deal of
sacrifice. I thought about dealing with
the emotional struggles that adoptive children may have. I went as far as thinking about the
implications that adoption would have on my children’s inheritance. All of this was self-focused, faithless, and
weak.
A few months ago, it hit me. “Could you imagine if God would have
this same perspective?” Thank goodness
He doesn’t . . .
“In Love he predestined us for
adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to
the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the
Beloved. In Him we have redemption
through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches
of his grace, which he lavished upon us” – Ephesians 1:5-8
My adoption as a child of God cost
Him more than I could ever offer. Any
sacrifice on my part pales in comparison to His sacrifice. He deals with the emotional struggles that I
have, by addressing my doubt and reminding me that I have been given a new
identity as His child. He has lavished an
inheritance upon me that is better than I could ever imagine (don’t just take
my word for it – check out 1 Corinthians
2:9).
God comforts me by reminding me, that
this is not about me. It is about Him. What a great opportunity adoption is to
reflect what He has done for us. And I
pray that this will be all for His glory and not our own.
{E}
