Today...
Eddy was up and gone for work before the kids and I had even budged an inch in our beds. Every other year, he gets the kids excited for making a big breakfast for me to eat in bed that comes with my favorite handmade cards. They apparently plotted and planned a little earlier this year since Eddy wouldn't be home. I woke up to Grant (he was super excited for "The Plan") telling me I had to stay in bed. I heard him go wake his sister up and over the next hour, they made me toast with approximately half a stick of butter on it, went outside and picked flowers, made me cards, cleaned up their rooms and made me a comfy bed on the couch and turned Little House on the Prairie on (they know me well). It was completely different than past years that usually included waffles and strawberries and big bouquets, and I loved every minute of it. I am so blessed that those two kids call me their mom. They are two of the greatest gifts I have ever been given and I couldn't love them more.
Today...
because of this overwhelming love I have for my children, our third child's First Mama was on my mind a lot. I think about her every day, but today, with all of the extra attention on moms, my thoughts wandered to her often. I have no idea if she is expecting her baby yet. Maybe she knows and is trying to make that life changing, selfless decision to make an adoption plan and put her baby's needs before her own. Wherever she is at, and if she knows about the little life that she is/will carry, what does Mother's Day look like for her? There is always a loss in adoption....will she feel that loss every year on this day? Will she question her choice? Will she wonder what it would have been like to be called mom? I pray she knows that in her decision to place her child into a loving family, she made the best, most motherly, loving decision she could make and that is reason to celebrate her as a wonderful mother. I don't know what our birth mother's life and circumstances will be and what the reasons for adoption will be, but God does. He is orchestrating the whole journey and knows the beginning, middle and end. I know He has a plan and purpose for our unborn child, their birth mother, and our family in all of it. I pray He will be glorified and made much of through it.
Today...
just like the last three Mother's Days that have past, my heart aches to meet our third child. I just got done saying I know God has a plan and purpose, and I know that His plans and purposes are far bigger and better than my dreams are. But, it doesn't make it easy...this wait is hard. So, so hard. I love that it puts me in a place where I am completely and totally dependent on Him. It's still hard. But He didn't lead us to adoption because it would be an easy, smooth path. He brought us on this path to glorify Himself, change our hearts and teach us things about Himself that we probably never would have known otherwise. As the time gets longer and longer, I do wonder how much more He has for me/us in this wait, because, I'm not going to lie...most of the time I am just sick and tired of waiting...I want my baby home. I want to know they are safe. I want to be done with paperwork. I want, I want, I want. But because none of this life is about me, I realize that all of those wants are me-centered and have nothing to do with God's plans for my life. They are all about my dreams, plans and comfort. And I desire to have His plans as my top priority and focus in my life.
Today...
I desperately want our baby home. I can hardly wait to see G & Q love on their baby brother or sister and watch Eddy care for his newborn baby. I am so ready for that amazing newborn smell and tiny clothes and learning all about our third child...memorizing their face, knowing their routine and teaching and loving them. But I also know that God has a plan that I can trust without hesitation or question. He already has our baby's face memorized. He already knows everything about them. Just like he already knew G & Q before we ever knew about them. So until His plans and His timing come to bless us with our sweet third child, I know he/she is good hands. I know God is watching over our baby's First Momma...He loves her and has a plan for her. He is so good to care and watch over us...seeing every last detail of our lives. My prayer today is that our birth mother will know that love He has for her. I pray she responds to that love and gets to experience being adopted as a daughter of our Heavenly Father...a perfect picture of love and sacrifice. I pray she knows that the choice she is making for her baby reflects that love.
Today...
I am so thankful God has made me a mother. I am blessed each and every day by my children. Today I am thankful that God is faithful and sovereign and I can put my full trust in Him and his plans. Today I am thankful for our baby's First Momma, wherever she may be. This is a day to celebrate her and all the other mothers who have made such a hard decision, felt such a great loss...and gave one of the biggest blessings to another Momma.
